Waking up early in the morning, I have no thoughts whatsoever. Empty is my head. Walking straight to the toilet, doing normal things that I did for the past few years. Brush my teeth. Shower. Put some clothes. Breakfast. Go to work.
As I stare my pathetic self in front of the mirror, I saw something’s wrong with myself, and I wonder, what? I still have my eyes, though it’s still swollen and red, but it’s still there. I still have my nose, and my mouth. Could it be my tongue? Or my teeth? I open my smelly mouth and looked closely inside of it. Still there. Pinky tongue and not-so-white teeth are still there, hanging on. I still have my arms. My fingers are all intact, along with the nails. My body’s still normal (not perfect, mind you.. :P). But wait… Could it be? Awwww shucks… I looked down between my thigh. Yup. Still there, old buddy. We’ve dated back in 11th November 1982, and I never parted with my old buddy since. Still there. Still hanging on.
I took my bath normally, still thinking about the missing thing. After doing all the washing and cleaning, I put on my robe and took my ablution. Then, on my way to my prayer mat, I realize the missing part of my body. My heart.
Yup, checking on it, it’s still there. But not as it use to be. It used to be strong and full of love and happiness and whatever shit u called it. Now it’s nothing but dust. Like a sand that went straight through your fingers.
Yup. It’s broken.
Here I am, sitting and typing with tears clogging up my eyes. How do I fix this broken heart-o’-mine? Then something hit me. Why don’t I ask HIM who gave me a heart in the 1st place? It is HE who commands the earth and the heavens. But would He mend it for me? It’s totally broken, this heart. Used to be filled with love, now it’s nothing but a strand of sands. Now I’m full of hatred, emptiness, darkness, and sorrow. Will He fix this heart before it gets washed away by the sea of sorrow?
Dear Allah, I’m sorry that I didn’t take good care of this heart that You gave me. This heart is one of the best thing that You ever gave to me. It has helped me to feel joy, love, cherished, kindness, sadness etc. But I’m so sorry. It’s broken. And I’m sorry I can’t fix it. I can’t mend it. I didn’t mean to brake it all apart like this. I’m so sorry.
Dear Allah, can You fix this heart before it gets washed away by the sea of sorrow, PLEASE?